FreelanceCoach Blog

Empowering yourself is probably an all important part of your personal development. The word empowerment is quite board in its implications, but what we are dealing with here is mostly personal empowerment, which, simply put, is the state of mind that helps you realize your own potential, gain control over your life, actions and destiny.

Key Factors Influencing Personal Development via the Empowerment Route

The first and foremost step is probably gaining conscious grasp on your own thoughts and emotions. Your thoughts and feelings basically shape what and how you are. They decide whether you are positive in your lookout or suffer from self esteem issues. Empowerment helps you analyse, understand and accept your own self and self image, thereby boosting your understanding of the self and consequently higher confidence and self esteem. The path to empowerment however is not easy or convenient always. It entails you to take responsibility of your own actions, decisions and their consequences. As an empowered individual you are no longer a passive player who only accepts what is available to him or her, but one who takes well informed and thought out decisions with the available mental faculties and resources.

For you to climb up the spiral of empowerment it is crucial that you are a motivated individual. Motivation again, has to come from what your inner self desires or wants to achieve. It is only through an organic motivational process that your inner desires and dreams drive, that you can start on a path of empowerment. Without the support or nod of the inner being in you, you will most certainly lose the motivation to go on. At times you might find the complex mix of inner voice, self consciousness, et al rather confusing and need direction. You can do well by consulting experts of life coaching under such circumstances to help you find the true you and put you on a path to empowerment. This will help you gain access to your own inner self, which is important because it has to be you who decides how and why you want to empower yourself and how that will help you achieve your personal development goals. Which brings us to the important influencing factor termed self-awareness.

To be driven enough toward empowerment, you need motivation that springs from your consciousness of your own self. Unless you follow the voice of your inner self and decipher the untold dreams that it conceals, it will be futile for you to pursue empowerment. Another important factor is perhaps your behaviour and habits. You need to be sure that your behaviour promotes empowerment rather than harming the process. At times behaviourial inhibitions dictate our behaviours and that affects our pursuit of empowerment. Lastly you need to devise strategies to counter the barriers, be it behaviour, hurdles to self awareness or lack of internalisation of your own thought process. While designing your strategies you also need to consider the resources that are available to you and how you can optimise them to capitalise on the opportunities towards empowerment and personal development.

The process of personal development through empowerment of self is a long drawn and complex process requiring you to constantly look inwards and find answers and solutions. But don’t be deterred buy the hurdles, seek support of expert life coaches if required and find the path to the true you and ultimately the road to empowerment.

To Your Success!

FreelanceCoach Team

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Have there been times when you looked back upon a relationship and wondered ‘What really went wrong?’ Relationships- of any sort- are rarely the same as time passes, some atrophies and completely ends while others are mostly taken for granted.

Take the time out to evaluate one relationship that you hold dear. How different is it today than it was in the beginning? Are the changes mostly negative or positive, do you welcome these changes? And most importantly do you wish you never got into it in the first place?

The very first thing that you need to know and believe in is that ‘relationships don’t change, people do’, and this change is almost always mutual and more of a cause and effect scenario. Just because your spouse is not showering you with the same attention as they did during the courtship period, or your best friend has elected to choose lunch with her family over a day out shopping with you, does NOT mean that the relationship is heading towards an end.

It merely needs a little working upon, adjustment, and evolution.

Agreed that there are certain relationships that end up being the biggest mistakes of our lives (and one of the best lessons learnt!) but before deeming a relationship completely unsalvageable, why not make one last effort to work things out?

Before giving you a couple of tried-and-tested tips to keep your relationship going, here’s a little story of two of my best friends. Sean and Wrena were the classic example of opposites attracting, where Wrena was an outgoing, loud and party-crazy girl, Sean was an introvert, shy, and to some extent socially inept.

The first few months, the both of them could hardly stay away from each other. Wrena would often pass up on parties and outings just to be with Sean, who would shower her with attention and homemade food. But within the first 6 months, Wrena started to feel like she committed too soon, she went back to her old ways and while Sean did have an issue with her flirting around and tried to make her see reasoning, but accepted after a while.

Sean had tried his best to change according to Wrena’s will. He would tag along for parties even if it made him uncomfortable, he would compromise more, and he went on to the extent of giving up his job and moving to the other end of the town because Wrena’s workplace was nearer.

Since Sean had never gone against Wrena’s wish or had demanded that she compromised at some level, Wrena had started to take him for granted. She would fight and threaten to leave him well-aware that Sean would never let go off her.

But let go off her he did. After 2 years of trying his ultimate best, he let Wrena go because she was just not happy with him. Wrena then moved out and for the first year travelled all over the country but when she came back, she looked distressed and restless.

Meanwhile Sean had met someone else, Camile; another shy, introvert, average looking girl but I had never seen Sean so happy before. Not only did Camile recognize what a gem of a person Sean was, but she also valued every little effort Sean made to keep Camile happy.

They were the textbook example of a perfect couple. And while I was extremely happy for Sean and Camile, I to an extent wished Wrena could have been in Camile’s shoes and made some effort to work her relationship out with Sean.

Wrena soon learned that guys like Sean were hard to find, and now it was just too late.

For those of you who do not wish to repeat Wrena’s mistake, here are a couple of tips to help you change the face of your relationship for better: 

• As Anthony Robbins puts it “Treat every day of your relationship like your first day, and your relationship will never see an end”. Never lose respect for your partner or treat them like they are inferior to you.
• Make conscious efforts to rekindle your relationship. Why not take a short vacation together or simply surprise them with something the both of you used to do but stopped over the time.
• Add some spark to your intimate life if the relationship in question is with your partner.
• One major reason for the decay of any relationship is the lack of communication. Talk often and listen, don’t just hear what the other is saying.
• Spend time with each other. Any common hobby or interest? Why not enroll in a meditation or yoga class together?
• “Feel” the love you have for the person. How did you feel during the first few years of the relationship, figure out what has changed over the years and how can you resolve these issues.
• Love yourself. Unless you are completely head-over-heels in love with yourself, how will you love another person? Pay attention to your physical and emotional state and work on improving regularly.

It takes two to work a relationship out. Keep the love growing and the relationship would seldom see a bad day.

May your relationships be filedl with love!

FreelanceCoach team

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At times we are struggle to decipher why the world outside perceives our worth as much less than what we know it is. You might have wondered at times why people fail to see the positives or good in you that you feel is very much there. This ultimately leads to declining self esteem and confidence, which, to say the least, is a very undesirable state of mind. But take heart there are ways that you could address this.

What Factors to Look Out for To Project the Best in You

The key is to pay close attention to the factors and parameters that the world uses to gauge you.

1. Look. One of the very first things to start with is the way you look. By looks we don’t really mean your physical features per se, but more the way you present and conduct yourself. Choose your clothes carefully. While it is not advisable to be fastidious about your dress, but the way you dress does carry a message to the outside world and to everyone you interact with. Let’s face it, most of us feel good talking, interacting and being with someone who is well dressed and is presentable. So the first step that you can take is to dress appropriately and be presentable.
2. Behavior. The next important thing is to watch out how you interact and talk. Words have power and so does how they are spoken. Be clear, precise and interesting. It is important that people don’t have to try too hard to hear you or understand you. It will help if you speak slow enough to be followed and use intonations that make your words sound audible as well as interesting. One of the most important key to being attractive is to be a good conversationalist.
3. Listen. Do remember that listening is an equally essential part of a conversation. If you continue to manipulate and dominate entire conversations, people will lose interest and feel less inclined or obliged to interact with you.
4. Body Language. Also while you engage in a conversation, be aware of your body language. The way you move your head, hands or place your feet also reflects your state of mind. At times fidgeting or gesticulating too much with your hands may give out the wrong signals. Your body language talks a lot about how confident you are with your words, subject matter and the environment, which has direct effect on how your persona is perceived by people around you. Confidence is one quality that seldom fails to impress. A firm handshake, a steady eye-to-eye contact and avoiding unnecessary hurry in a conversation will help you establish that you are well at ease and confident. So be careful about what indications you give to your audience or conversation partner with your gestures and body language.

If you find all this too complex to keep track of, it is advisable that you consult a life coaching expert to help you understand the gaps and pitfalls in your social skills. They will be able to identify the areas where you need improvement.

Improving your image to gain better recognition from the world outside is not necessarily a difficult task; given you have the required grooming, patience and observation. If you feel you are lagging behind in some of these factors, start now, take inputs from professional life coaching guides and chisel out your social skills. Soon you will find your social image going all the right places.

 Wishing you all the best,

Anda Tudor

PR Manager, FreelanceCoach

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Depressions are a part of our lives and the occasional bout of depression is probably normal, but when it starts to get regular and chronic then you could consider getting NLP coaching to help you bounce back to positivity. At times depression gets difficult to deal with and you find yourself immersing yourself in it with declining life urges. Holidays Season can be a cause of depression due to the pressure to do so many things at the same time or because one feels lonely. These are situations that need to be handled by professional life coaching guides and it is important to recognize that before the condition festers and results into serious and chronic depression.

Some Way Outs that Life Coaching Experts Suggest Toward Countering Depression

If you have been feeling that unhappy and down for a considerable amount of time, it is important that you seek professional guidance to shake off the depression. NLP coaching will help you see that disappointments and depression is a part and parcel of everyone’s life and not necessarily just yours. It is useful to know that positive and negative frames of mind are alternating and keep doing turns once in a while. Reassure yourself that the negative phase of depression will pass and get strength from that. At times it also helps to focus on your past achievements and what you have acquired in life already.

Life coaching sessions will help you understand that you already have a lot to be grateful about and it probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to just reflect upon the lost opportunities and failures. Studies have shown that professional coaching leads to decided improvement in the quality of life (43.3%).

Interacting with positive people will also help you to see past the negativity that shrouds your conscious while in a depression. Your exchanges with them will help you realize that all of them have certain disappointments and failures in their life and yet manage to get past them by learning from those situations and focusing on the future possibilities.

NLP coaching professionals also advice that to break away from a negative state of mind, you could also explore breaking away from your regular routine to do something that excites you, like joining a meditation program, joining a gym, going for a hike with friends, interacting with your pet, nature, etc. Such efforts will bring in new energy and enthusiasm to your life and shift your thoughts from the feeling of gloom and lethargy that depression causes.

At times a simple redecoration of your room or office space can do a lot to cheer you up. When in a depression you could start associating your gloomy thoughts and problems with everything that surrounds you. This way your environment might act like a constant reminder of your problems, ultimately further depressing you. Cleaning, redecorating, changing colors, etc. can do a lot to change that and you will be surprised to find how much such small changes will affect you.

Finally, the most important thing is to look squarely at your problems and taking action. You have to turn around and take charge of the problem situation with a resolve to arrive at a solution. Agreed that it is difficult to do that when you are depressed, but that is precisely what NLP coaching will help you with, to find the motivation and resolve.

So whenever you find the first signs of depression showing up, take prompt action by not letting them fester. If needed, take help of a life coaching experts to guide you and spring back to life with vigor and positivity.

Wishing you all the best,

Anda Tudor

PR Manager FreelanceCoach

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The best thing about a newborn baby, apart from the cuddly feel and the delicious baby smell, is that it is born without any preconceived notions. It neither judges nor admonishes, it just accepts.

They also don’t think much about the glass, or in this case the bottle to be half full or half empty. They just gulp it down. Pessimism and optimism isn’t a birth-acquired trait, it’s more like the building up of perception based on circumstances and general lifestyle.

So, if you consider your marriage to be on the brink of ending, every time you have a major disagreement, this thought could emerge from your past relationship patterns. However some people are born with certain traits that drive them towards choosing the negative over the positive and vice-verse. Some of us are mentally strong and take-charge kind of people, while others prefer their comfort zones.

Obviously, someone who looks for rationality in the face of a problem, are more likely to be optimistic, but just because they weren’t initiator-materiel in the past that does not mean they can't be one in the future. You might have had reasons to stop hoping, stop looking at the silver lining (which, even being an optimist I am yet to see) but where is it taking you?

Pessimism is not exclusive; it is the breeding ground for envy and malice. Like the Grinch who couldn’t stomach other people’s happiness and made every possible effort to sabotage their festive spirit, pessimism does that to you in real life. It starts with alienating your friends and family, not everyone is Max who’d stick by you even if you are being a complete pain in the wrong side to them.

People tend to portray optimism as the happy drug, which it definitely is not. When you see your friend fit snug in a dress that squeezed your flab so tight you could barely breathe, and the first thought that comes to your mind is ‘Damn it I need to lose weight’ rather than ‘God is unfair, why did he make me fat!’: that is optimism.

People who are optimist do not sit smiling the joker-smile at the glass half full, they try hard both physically and mentally to keep that glass half full. As Tony Robbins puts it ‘If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided’. Optimism isn’t just a perception; it is more like your perception that reflects in your actions.

The pessimistic mind might think there’s no use changing, but remember even the Grinch had a change of heart in the end. A Grinch too can turn into a Santa Claus.

Wishing You all the Best,

FreelanceCoach Team

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One followed his instincts and took spontaneous decision, while other planned and panned out his way to success. Where both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have respectively created and reached new echelons of professional lives, there’s a stark difference between the two.

The major similarity being that they are both college dropouts, and perhaps also that they are hailed as modern day Isaac Newton, but both Jobs and Gates are truly different when it comes to business acumen and strategies.

To start with, Gates brilliance in the technical know-how has steadily kept Microsoft’s scale going upwards, so much so that according to Wikipedia; at one point of time the company was sued for becoming a monopoly in the world of operating system.

The late Jobs on the other hand, co-founded Apple and were later fired from the company. He, then stating that Pixar had ‘interesting’ computers bought that over. Later, when Apple neared bankruptcy, Jobs got back on board and spearheaded the company that was soon to be a corporate giant in the field of software.

What most people don’t know is at the time when Job re-acquired Apple; Bill Gates had invested close to $150 million to haul the company out of bankruptcy.

When Gates was once asked what his interest would have been, if not computers. He replied in a heartbeat stating it would be economics. On the other hand, when Jobs was asked what he would concentrate on 20 years hence, his instant reply was, women.

That was their strength, while Gates worked with numbers, equations and paid clear attention to the economics, Job’s focus was human resources. He knew the potential of people and was a people-driven person. His aim, as would be reflected by his contribution to the world in general and technology in particular, along with his modus operandi that highlighted the fact that his focus was on improving and creating a direct impact on the quality of the life of people.

If we were to simplify both the contributions of Gates and Jobs, it is not mutually exclusive. Job improvised and spearheaded technological development, which in a way was based on Gates pioneered innovation.

Bill Gates is currently ranked as the richest man according to Forbes 400 and Lauren Powell Jobs (on behalf of late Steve Jobs) is at number 28.

Both Gates and Jobs have touched the world in a way no one would forget, but who of the two, would you be? Simple, the one you identify with best.

Wishing you all the best,

FreelanceCoach.com Team

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Types of Mentoring and Benefits

What is mentoring? Mentoring is considered a target driven personal enhancement strategy where one person (mentor) facilitates the development of another person (mentee) through sharing of information, expertise, skills, values, attitudes, perspectives, and proficiency. Mentoring is a process that allows the mentee/learner to increase their knowledge and build skills that will help them to attain career-oriented goals. At the same time, it also provides an opportunity for the mentor to enhance their existing skill sets as well as attain further knowledge in a variety of areas through continuously reassessing and re-evaluating their knowledge and expertise areas.

Need for Mentoring

Is mentoring essential for career advancement or for achievement of personal goals? Mentoring is considered to be important for career and personal development and is a fairly common in certain like education in colleges or universities, sports and related activities, technical disciplines like engineering or medical science etc.  

A research conducted by "Leadership Oakland" revealed that if young people in the age group of 15-25 years are mentored then their performance can increase sufficiently. In fact, their probability of graduating with top honors can increase by 5 times. Similarly, without effective mentoring, children and young students in this age group are likely to lose their way and end up committing crime.

The result from the above research suggests that mentoring is important for young people and children who need a little bit of guidance, help, persuasion, knowledge, and empathy.

How Mentoring can help

Mentoring helps the mentor, the mentee, and the institution or organization that either one of them or both the people are associated with. Mentoring is gradually becoming popular in the corporate organizations and large businesses where more often than not, employees become a victim of stress and end up under-performing.

The essence of mentoring lies in bringing value to whoever is involved in the process. A research study carried out by INALSA revealed that mentoring helped in the personal and professional development of people or employees. The research stated that 25% of employees enrolled in a given mentoring program witnessed an increase in their performance accompanied with salary-grade change. At the same time, 95% of employees who were not enrolled in any mentoring program did not witness any change in performance, salary, promotion. The research also revealed that for those who participated in a mentoring program, their probability of getting a promotion increased by 6 times.

The results of this research goes on to show that how mentoring can help students, employees, and other individuals. Mentoring not only helps mentees improve in a specific area but also helps them to explore their potential in unexplored areas of personal and professional life.

Wishing you all the best,

FreelanceCoach Team

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Who are you?  No really, WHO ARE YOU?  If you really know who you are then you would probably know how to respond to difficult or conflict situations.  But most of us don’t know who we really are inside, and so we avoid or just jump in blindly when it comes to handling difficult situations.

For example, perhaps the person that you see in the mirror you believe to be stable and creative with a healthy emotional expression.  That person has a blend of strength, sensitivity and creativity that you really admire – and others do too because they’ve told you as much.  But what you don’t see or chose not to acknowledge is the insecurity and self-doubt that lies just beneath the surface.  Yes, that is you, the real you.  That air of confidence that everyone admires is also hiding your insecurity and self-doubt.

Now that you know you have these underlying issues, isn’t it safe to say that perhaps the way you handled past conflicts was based solely on these traits and not the air of confidence that you put out there for everyone to see.  It’s the insecurity and self-doubt that drives your need to express your anger or resentment every single time, no matter what.  And you analyze everything to death which only puts you into deeper hot waters.

Start today and get to know the real you – not just your strengths, but also your weaknesses.  Don’t hide your weaknesses, bring them out and confront them.  When you acknowledge what they are, you can better understand why you re-act to certain situations the way that you do.  You will know the next step to take, how and when to take that step each and every time you are faced with a difficult or conflict situation.

Perhaps you’ve been thinking about getting a coach, but weren’t sure why you might need one.  As your conflict resolution coach, I can help you learn more about your communication and conflict management styles; develop new options and strategies for managing any existing conflicts; gain confidence in your own abilities to manage and resolve those conflicts knowing that you have someone to support you.

Take the next step to get coaching and schedule a FREE Discovery Session with me!

Until next time…

Resolve It Now!

Eudine Herbert, the Conflict Mediator

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You read the book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ by John Gray PhD, but it didn’t help. You suggested counseling but he/she wouldn’t go.  You’ve spoken with your Pastor on many occasions but didn’t receive the counsel that you felt you both needed.  And now, you’re heading for divorce.  Or worst yet, your divorce is final and now you don’t know what to do next.

What you are experiencing right now is probably a combination of pain, anger, frustration, and even guilt.  You may also feel dazed, confused, and alone.  But there is hope…Divorce Coaching.

What is Divorce Coaching?
The right divorce coach will work with you (together as a couple or individually), to help you manage emotions, identify practical realities of your divorce and address issues related to self-esteem.  The coaching process is an opportunity to work with a coach whose only goal is to help you through the divorce.

What about the Divorce Coach?
Your divorce coach understands that each session is all about YOU.  Your needs. Your desires.  And your goals.  A divorce coach works with present issues to provide you with the tools to move forward into the future.  A divorce coach will also provide a safe environment that will allow you to explore your anger, fear, frustration, guilt and sadness.

There are other alternative dispute resolution (ADR) methods to a costly court-room battle – mediation and collaborative divorce are two of them.

Other alternatives to a costly court-room battle

• Mediation – a neutral third party who does not represent either party, but is there solely to facilitate a mutually agreed upon solution.   The mediator can sort through differences between the two parties involved in a dispute, and find common ground; definitely a much more cost-effective solution to hiring an attorney.
• Collaborative Divorce – a team of professionals trained in the collaborative divorce process.  The “team” is typically made up of 2-attorneys, 2-divorce coaches, a child specialist and financial specialist.  Collaborative Divorce is not for everyone or for every situation.  PLEASE do your research.

If you are having interpersonal conflicts at home find out how Coaching or Mediation can work for you.  Contact me for a FREE Discovery Session: Eudine Herbert - Conflictmediator

There is light at the end of this tunnel…get a Divorce Coach to help you through it.

Until next time…

Resolve It Now!

Eudine Herbert, the Conflict Mediator

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“It’s beneath me to cheat” and that’s what self worth is all about. Self worth is an amalgamation of strength of character, self esteem, and righteousness. A high and positive sense of self value can transform into self esteem, which helps in imparting success, happiness, health and prosperity, stronger personal bonds, higher employment, and greater learning.

Interesting Stats About Self Worth

According to a research conducted by Hansford and Hattie (1982), it has been revealed that self worth plays an important role in performance in academics. Self worth increases academic brilliance by 4-7 percent.

• According to a study by (Hahn & Danzberger, 1987) and (Plotnik, 1992), high rate of teen pregnancy in the USA can be attributed to low self worth and self esteem caused by low parental socio-economic status, low aspirations, low educational ability, and high socio-emotional difficulty.
• According to a report by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy from Washington D.C., 40% of girls in the USA become pregnant before the age of 20 and equals to approximately 1 million teenagers.
• According to a research conducted by University of Bacău, there is a correlation between interpersonal relations and self worth. In 95% of the cases, self worth influenced relationships in a positive way.

Do’s and Don’ts of Self Worth

Many experts feel that self worth and self esteem act as a huge stress reliever. When negative things happen in our life and in the lives of people we love, only positive attitude and a high degree of self worth can protect us. Negativity breeds stress and positivity takes away stress. If you have high sense of self-worth then it will be easy for you to draw upon your inner sense of capability, self value, and power. Without self worth, your life will fall apart in challenging situations and when negativity surrounds you.

Here is a list of Do’s and Don’ts of self worth, which will help you to identify how it works in your life.

1)      When there is a healthy sense of self worth, there cannot be any EGO. Having an inflated ego and having confidence is NOT the same.

2)      Just because you are good at something doesn’t mean you are great and have a high sense of self worth. You can have a healthy sense of self-worth or self-esteem without any stand-out skills

3)      You need to identify the things that other people would value in you like:

• Taking responsibility for your actions
• Being polite to strangers
• However tough the circumstances are, always try your best
• Your ability to go for a meeting even when you are ill
• Accepting the fact that you are unique without any ego
• Ability to encourage yourself to create, innovate, or ideate

Warm regards,

FreelanceCoach Team

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